My days.. highs and lows

This is a blog to post about my personal feelings and emotions… public enough to be posted here and personal enough not to expect heavy traffic.

What have I learnt in the last fifteen months of my stay here??

Time to take stock :

Best things to have known-

- Meaning of friendship

- Depth of Love

- How to handle people with different perceptions

- How to manage sleep

- How to prioritize

- How to focus and unfocus

- Success is not everything in life.. it is important but not everything

Not so good things to have known

- Painful emotions

- Trust is not for everyone

- Success is all people care for

- Looks can take u places (specially if u r a girl).. admit it or not

- People DO NOT ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH.. even the people whom u think have no reason to

- How people manipulate others

These few things I have learnt.. some were painful experiences for me and some were quite informative.

The professional learnings that I carry are the highs.. Excellence in work may not translate into academics and vice – versa; No matter how high you go, humility pays; Honesty in ur work always pays the most.

The personal learnings I had were the mix of highs and lows … Found someone I loved, lost him before finding; Found the meaning of true love, friendship and trust in someone who was miles away but still beside me all the time; learnt not to let the emotions flow (last time I have allowed myself for this crime against myself );

There is but one regret – I have stopped loving myself enough here.. I really miss that part of myself. I am too afraid to be lonely here than I have been anytime in my life. I like people but I have grown to fear them too.. its the skeptic in me who has risen and I do not like it, even when I know it is going to help me survive in the big bad world.

Living in the Library… How Uncool!!!

Its 1:56 am.. Tuesday morning and here I am , finding my Neverland amidst books encased in glasses. Yes Boy! I am talking about being in a library at this God damn awful hour. Third consecutive day of my life I find myself in library , wondering how did i end up here. Let me tell you my story ( of course, I know nothing as mundane as this would interest you.. but cant help being an opportunist ).

I was a simple , fun loving gal with stars in my eyes – Dnt worry I didnt want to be a film star and Thanks God U guys are saved. I decided to take CAT as I seriously and naively thought that it would make a huge difference to my career prospects. IIM L was the place I came to… liked the fast pace of life… fast but disconneted. The charm wore off very soon. The academics soon replaced everything in my life and clung to No.1 position as an aging hero to the ratings. Hmmm..speaking candidly, I had few memorable moments too. Setting up a chai bar, investing my emotions and heart in it .. having the company of my friends over a good cuppa tea.. doing all sorts of BAKAR and yeah.. music… Nothing made the days more bearable.

I still have stars in my eyes, still believe in the good thing called life.. and still have friends who make it all more appealing..

Hey .. the million dollar question still remains unanswered.. How the hell did i end up in a library at this hour. And How Uncool I can be … living in the library.

Well…. the answer is -Forget ti yaar.. I no longer remember the reason.. cool or Uncool i leave upto u to decide. Happy thinking.. .. and dnt dare strangle me in ur dreams, which i think you would love to do..I can see those teeth baring , nose flaring face… ah huh…

A race against Time and …

And Space

I joined IIML with almost no expectations… or atleast i thought so when i joined. Now reflecting over, i realize that I had expected loads of things. Life in IIM would be fun, would be rigorous and thoroughly professional.

Life here is rigorous.. much more than I had anticipated.. its fun but only if you are ready to compromise on lots of things. Opportunities do exists, but the approach is somewhat rudimentary. I had expected a more vibrant culture.. which gives u options to chose your own path.. rather make your own. And here I find myself looking down the well beaten path.. which i have no inclination to follow.

Initially all I was looking forward to, in an institute like IIM was the brand name and opportunities. Now, I am again trying to find myself.. what exactly i want to do and how. Do I want to be a part of the crowd out here? Or I wish to make my own path and follow none but myself?

I am still trying to figure out my choices and the way i wish to lead my life. I am still trying to find out what I can live with or without.. and right now the only surety i can offer myself is that i am willing to explore.. against all my inhibitions, against all my fears, against all …

A Kiss… of Love.. of Pain

Fingers entwined, the soul reaches out..

eyes locked and searching..

for the love that is mine.

The tenderest of kiss speaks it all..

The skipped heartbeat.. the warm breath..

Of love and pain untold..

Of the parting that is mine.. to behold.

Yet Another Start.. the Journey to the STARS..

I have always aspired for the stars.. wished to be the best in whatever i chose. It was always about my choice.. and here I am because i chose to be. Now the real fun begins.. in terms of what i can do for myself.. the way i can shape up my life… life of people i love and live for..

The place called IIML holds so many opportunities for me.. its now about making a journey with the best of me inside out. The journey has begun and I wish to be a traveler throughout my life.. to take on another roads, visit new places and meet new people.

Tears..

The first sound was a cry,

not a laugh to remember.

The first sense was helplessness…

of hope and surrender.

Tears rolled down the cheek,

In hot or cold,

And left a streak across

like a ravine old.

The child didnt know he was born…

nor if he will be dead.

All he wanted was

Mama’s lap as bed.

Tears rolled down the cheek,

No hands to wipe them all,

No lips to kiss and soothe

No ears to his cry meek.

Tears rolled down the cheek,

And he never knew Why……

Silence

Golden leaves silently fell

And I walked on the carpet of life..

The world around me dazzled

with brilliance untold.

The silence..

Was all i could hear..

in my heart and in my soul.

No thoughts brushed past me..

No idea flashed..

And yet i was absorbed in the infinity…

With myself as company.

Silence embraced me with love,

And I could hear the symphony unheard before…

Innocence..

Today I was returning from market and in the porch i saw a kid spreading his arms at a weird angle. It was a very hot day with sun beating down on all without mercy and the kid was all smiles. He was drenched in sweat and had a broad smile plastered all over his face. He was trying to fly…. I couldn’t help but stop in my tracks… The innocence on his face was something to cherish. The smile was the most contagious one.. and all i could do was smile and wave back to the kid ….. I saw my own innocence through the deep eyes of the kid.. and felt my childhood through his attempted flight…

Gud Morning with a cup of Coffee…

I opened my eyes to the song of a cuckoo. My brown eyes found it hard to open up against the shimmering pool of light streaming through the window. The lovely white curtain was fluttering in the breeze… and i couldn’t stop admiring the cobalt blue sky. It was an early morning and the freshness seeped through my soul. I climbed down my bed very slowly … as if afraid to disturb the morning itself. I tiptoed to the window sill…. The world outside waited for open itself to me through the dewy haze. The smell of freshly brewed coffee wafted in the air and i turned to look at a big cup waiting for me on the table. Carelessly tossing my dark brown mane, i cupped it with both hands and enjoyed the warmth seeping through my skin. The smell was heavenly and more erotic that anything i have ever known. The vapour rose through the window and melted with the world outside.. leaving me breathless with the joy of freedom. The taste of bitter sweet coffee in my mouth added punch to my senses and all i could say to myself.. Good Morning Sweetheart.. Its another beautiful day in life… Live it ..